Ive's Picks

THE FLIP SIDE

2012-02-13T08:17:00.000-09:30

Compliments of The Man

INTERESTING OBSERVATION...thanks Bill

2012-02-10T17:57:00.000-09:30

1 The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL.

2 The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING.

3 The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.

4 The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL.

5 The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS.

And....

6 The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF.

THE AMAZING CONCLUSION:

The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become.
There must be a ton of people in Washington playing marbles!

Wow! Just Wow!

2012-02-10T17:53:00.000-09:30

This is the toughest kid i know...

2012-02-10T17:52:00.000-09:30

HOLLIS, Maine - A 9-year-old Maine girl is home from a Boston hospital healthy, active and with high hopes - and a new stomach, liver, spleen, small intestine, pancreas, and part of an esophagus to replace the ones that were being choked by a huge tumor.

It's believed to be the first-ever transplant of an esophagus and the largest number of organs transplanted at one time in New England.

Spunky and bright-eyed as she scampered around her family's farmhouse outside Portland, Alannah Shevenell said Thursday that she's glad to be feeling well again and able to go sledding, make a snowman, work on her scrapbooks and give her grandmother a little good-humored sass.

For more on the story, click HERE.

Scientists with some time....

2012-02-09T10:15:00.000-09:30

I'm not a Black Sabbath fan but brought to you courtesy of my pal, Brent, this is admittedly fun to watch. I kind of wish they could have this at the science museum.

And why we like Will Ferrell

2012-02-09T08:29:00.000-09:30

The Bourne Legacy- Official Trailer (2012) HD

2012-02-08T14:18:00.000-09:30

WOOHOO! Can't wait!

Can you spy what makes it unique?

2012-01-29T17:13:00.000-09:30

Courtesy of Awkward Family Photo

2012-01-29T17:08:00.000-09:30

Titled Papawatch. So would be my dad watching my kid back in the day.

A Super Bowl Conundrum

2012-01-29T17:05:00.000-09:30

So a discussion occurred the other day and I'm posing to you. This year is the 47th Super Bowl and they always use roman numerals in all marketing. So we then started to think about the 50th Super Bowl. The roman number is below.

Think they will actually use this one??? Discuss.

Bah! Bah! Laugh!

2012-01-29T17:01:00.000-09:30

Another great time waster...

2012-01-22T18:45:00.000-09:30

you think that Awkward Family Photo was fun...now there is Parents Shouldn't Text.

And this is all i will say about that....

2012-01-22T18:38:00.003-09:30

Top Five Onion Headlines this weekend....

2012-01-22T18:38:00.000-09:30

5. Area Man Will Do His Best, But It's Not Looking Good

4. Arizona Iced Tea Unveils New 4-Foot-Tall Cans

3. Packers Fans Relieved To Have More Time To Explore All That Green Bay Has To Offer This Winter

2. Romney Cements Status As Candidate Who Can Somehow Lose To Newt Gingrich

1. Joe Paterno Dies In Hospital; Doctors Promise To Tell Their Superiors First Thing Tomorrow

Why you never park under the lamp post....

2012-01-16T18:04:00.000-09:30

Via www.imjustwalking.com

Who doesn't like a good mug shot??

2012-01-16T18:02:00.000-09:30

Andrei Bibbs, 53, busted for driving under the influence, cops say

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/illinois-man-shock-captured-surprise-mugshot-article-1.1004987#ixzz1jgNeCY6P

Attention Parents....

2012-01-16T17:56:00.000-09:30

Here is your "OMG, I remember this!" or "I am going through this now" moments. Click HERE for the full story.

"I’m not sure how many of you know this, but our 3-year old daughter suffers from an acute condition known as Procrastiurination.

In laymen terms, it’s the act of denying the existence and purpose of your bladder until you find yourself involuntarily clutching your privates and performing a lively number from Riverdance to prevent a cataclysmic urinary breach.

As adults, we’ve had years to determine our urinary thresholds. Meaning, we know how much time we have from initial sensation to potential embarrassment depending on our location. For me, my threshold is about six hours if I’m watching sporting events and about 45 seconds if I enter a library or book store. Maybe it’s the aroma of bindings or pages I’ll never read, but if I stand next to literature for any length of time, it’s like I choked down an entire bottle of diuretics."

Via Kickette...

2012-01-16T17:47:00.001-09:30

Don't know whether to laugh or send them an application for the Rockettes..

One heck of a rally....round of applause

2012-01-13T05:51:00.000-09:30

$4 seen for gas price in summer

2012-01-11T17:14:00.000-09:30

Compliments of (all papers) Dayton Daily News.Seriously? No, seriously!?!?We are going to need a second job to pay to get to the first job.

A politician follows through on a promise???

2012-01-11T17:04:00.001-09:30

Mayor of Pittsburgh, Luke Ravenstahl, statement regarding his bet with Denver's mayor: "This is not something I ever thought I'd have to do, and it's certainly not something I'm looking forward to," Ravenstahl said. "However, we're good sports here in Pittsburgh, and I want to congratulate Denver on a great win."

Supersize Me Flashback

2012-01-11T16:58:00.001-09:30

Via Gothamist: Here we are again gazing upon it like we're standing in front of the Mona Lisa. This masterpiece was found on Reddit, and shows one jar containing KFC fries and the other containing McDonald's fries, both sealed off in 2008. Here we are just over three years later and the McDonald's fries don't look like they've aged one day.

Typical

2012-01-11T13:32:00.001-09:30

Ohio parking at its best...

2012-01-09T19:20:00.000-09:30

My new job has a large crew that heavily rotates and parking is at a premium in front of the main door. This mystery car has been parking like this for the past week in the main aisle. Mystery car was notified to park between the lines or park further away. Today this is how mystery car parked.

I parked really close to him today just because I wanted to be part of mystery car's fun. I was emailed from mystery driver, "It's on!" Let the games begin.

BCS just keeps getting better....

2012-01-09T19:14:00.000-09:30

How is a championship game really a championship game with stats like these....

Alabama LSU
21 First Downs 5
383 Total Yards 91
0 Turnovers 2

Also, to be noted, can you REALLY be a national champion without winning your conference??? Discuss.

Gothamist tells Improv Everywhere.....

2012-01-09T18:49:00.000-09:30

their TOP FIVE reasons to no longer have "NO PANTS SUBWAY RIDE"

■Nobody wants to see you in your underwear. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT? About how our poor defenseless eyeballs are accosted by your unsolicited near-nakedness, like wet Underoos whipping our corneas? What planet do you live on where you think anyone wants to see your jiggling pale January human flesh—which is revolting enough from the neck up. This isn't fun for us. Nevertheless, be sure click through all the photos in this spread to see why!
■Everybody wants to see you in your underwear. Okay, so maybe you're one of the participants who actually does possess a young, shapely, well-toned body from the waist down. Good for you. But is it really wise to be prancing around the subway system so provocatively, what with all the sick perverted groping masturbators wandering around down there? We're not blaming any victims, but these creeps hardly need any encouragement, and even if you made it through the day without some living R. Crumb cartoon fondling your ass, you should know that you've probably provided them with F train masturbation material for weeks. Thanks.
■NYC is not your college campus. This kind of "stunt" might be an acceptable diversion out in the provinces, or on the campus quad during freshman year, but this is Capital City. After eleven years, it goes without saying that this isn't novel anymore. How about a No Dudes In Flip Flops subway ride? Or a Hold Your Cell Phone Horizontally When Filming A Subway Fight ride?
■It's not edgy if hundreds of people are doing it. It's conformity, not originality, no matter what message you're advertising on your ass. Want to be bold and daring? Take off your pants and ride the subway on any other day than this. Dropping trou and following the herd as part of a premeditated Facebook status update isn't outrageous.
■Flesh-eating bacteria. Not to be a buzzkill, but need we say more?

Headline of the Week

2012-01-09T18:31:00.000-09:30

Charlie Sheen states "I'm not crazy anymore. It was just an episode." Discuss...or link HERE

is you feel the need to read more.

Compliments of my teen....

2012-01-07T17:57:00.004-09:30

HAHA = Half Assed Humor Attempt(thinking back to earlier today when she said that to me after I told a joke. i sense a teen being grounded in the near future.)

Attention Tim Hortons

2012-01-07T17:43:00.002-09:30

You would think you would have learned from the McDonald's coffee scalding case from many years ago. So here's a hint: If you are going to serve scalding hot coffee in a flimsy paper cup, may I suggest that you automatically give a coffee cup sleeve. The alternative the past few visits is me having to beg for one while burning the crap out of my hand. Thank you!PS: I dearly miss my Dunkin Donuts but alas my area has only one and it is too far away. So I have to succomb to the dreary and water downed Canadian brand, Tim Horton's. Dunkin Donuts donations always welcome.

Funny or Die...does it again

2012-01-07T17:33:00.001-09:30

Click HERE for a great interpretation of the Republican debates. It's good for a giggle.

PSA: 25 Adult Truths

2012-01-07T17:31:00.001-09:30

via my buddy, Freddie. You know you have done many if not all of these. I highlighted my favorites.1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay. 17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. 23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

TIM HOWARD AMAZING GOAL!!!!! HD

2012-01-06T12:19:00.000-09:30

I would also like to note the fact that I always love when a keeper scores but that Tim Howard didn't celebrate. He knows as a keeper what it feels like to have that kind of wind and misjudge. He felt bad for the other keeper. One classy guy!

It was back to his regular 9-5 for the big guy...

2012-01-04T17:28:00.002-09:30

Via Tien Mao at Gothamist. Santa has a day job and he takes the A train.

A 90s flashback....

2012-01-04T17:21:00.000-09:30

Oh the days of acid wash and Alexi Lalas hair. Love! Love! Love!

COMING SOON!

2011-12-31T16:03:00.002-09:30

More jokes, more laughs, more smiles.....
but until then I leave you with warm wishes for a Happy New Year and my cousin, Mr. Potato Head!

Why you should love Ellen and David Beckham

2010-10-28T04:50:00.001-09:30

Crocodile on plane kills 19 passengers

2010-10-25T09:10:00.002-09:30

"A STOWAWAY crocodile on a flight escaped from its carrier bag and sparked an onboard stampede that caused the flight to crash, killing 19 passengers and crew."

Why do I think that things would have been more under control if Samuel Jackson was on that plane??

Read more? Click here.

Halloween...it's a coming

2010-10-25T08:42:00.002-09:30

So here is a fantastic idea for your dog.

and if you don't know what this is referring to, please watch below:

It's been so long but this was too good to pass up

2010-10-25T08:41:00.000-09:30

NIKE WRITE THE FUTURE - FULL LENGTH VERSION

2010-05-21T05:28:00.000-09:30

Drinking with a Jersey Girl

2010-04-02T08:35:00.002-09:30

A Mexican, an Arab, and a Jersey girl are in the same bar. When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his pistol, and shoots the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'

The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks no-alcohol beer (cuz he's a muslim!), throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces.

He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'

The Jersey girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says,

'In Jersey we have so many illegal aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'

God Bless New Jersey

A nice love story (and true!)

2010-04-02T07:59:00.003-09:30

Click HERE to view a friend of a friend's webpage that he created even before she said "yes". Very cute and just makes you smile.

Nothing like a church gossip

2010-03-29T15:41:00.002-09:30

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.

She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that every one seeing it there WOULD KNOW WHAT HE WAS DOING ! Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing..

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house, walked home and left it there all night !!!

(You gotta love Frank!)

You can't stay young forever. But you can be immature for the rest of your life !!!!

some airline humor

2010-03-29T15:26:00.003-09:30

The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747,call sign Speedbird 206.

Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! clear of active runway."
Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.

Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."

Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not been to Frankfurt before?"
Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- And I didn't land."

"Allegedly" true

2010-03-29T15:15:00.003-09:30

A city councilman in Utah, Mark Easton, had a beautiful view of the east mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and began building a new home.

As it turned out, the new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would permit, so Mark Easton, angry that his mountain view was impaired, went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance. The new neighbor had to drop the roof line 18 inches, at great expense.

Recently, Mark Easton called the city once more, to complain that his new neighbor had now installed some vents on the side of his home. Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate. When they went to Ma rk's home to see the vent view, this is what they found...

Liu Bolin ~ The Invisible Man ---can you see him?

2010-03-29T15:05:00.003-09:30

He uses no trick photography; he just paints himself.

Better late than never...

2010-03-29T14:58:00.000-09:30

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can
leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart
and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."

Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."

Johnny is even madder than before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."

Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the
questions.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would
keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"

Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

and no this is NOT why I like sportbikes...

2010-03-29T14:53:00.000-09:30

Hug E Gram

2010-03-29T14:52:00.001-09:30

wow! people buy this crap!

Vitas_Opera #2 (俄文+中文字幕)

2010-01-06T08:08:00.001-09:30

I don't know whether to laugh, be amazed, or something. You tell me.

and the #1 time waster of 2009

2009-12-27T05:58:00.002-09:30

M.L.I.A aka My Life is Average

while it started out with extremely average postings it has grown into a place where you will learn that most people hate Miley Cyrus, there is an epic battle between Yahoo! and Google search (google is winning), Harry Potter is the book series of choice, and Mystery Google has entertained folks with "missions" for the past three months....all while having the most plain and average looking site.

www.mylifeisaverage.com

Best of This Year

Today, I realized the word bed actually looks like a bed. MLIA
#2020 Comments: 329 Vote: average 60611 meh 4511

A fortnight ago I finally solved my rubiks cube. I waited two weeks to post this so that I could use the word fortnight.
#1237 Comments: 97 Vote: average 48443 meh 3823

Today, I had to choose between a strawberry flavored Dum Dum and a mystery flavored Dum Dum. I decided to be adventurous and choose the mystery flavor; it was strawberry flavored. MLIA
#816 Comments: 46 Vote: average 43114 meh 2671

Last night, I was really hot in bed, so I took one leg out of the covers. Then I got scared because it was too dark and my leg felt unprotected from somthing hiding under my bed. So I put it back under the blankets. MLIA
#2273 Comments: 379 Vote: average 41913 meh 3213

Today, I emailed MLIA about how they should make an iPhone/iPod touch app since FML and TFLN have one. And of course they responded by saying that if I get an MLIA published about this, then theyll look into it. Average people, make it happen. MLIA
#170321 Comments: 25 Vote: average 41450 meh 2135

Today, my teacher saw me texting under the desk and grabbed my phone. She didnt grab my penis. MLIA.
#810 Comments: 135 Vote: average 40860 meh 11141

Today I installed a program and it asked if I had read and agreed to the terms and conditions. I hadn't, but I clicked 'yes' anyway. The program didn't know I lied, and began to install. MLIA.
#689 Comments: 63 Vote: average 40270 meh 7590

Today, I wore Axe body spray. I wasn't tackled by any women. MLIA.
#776 Comments: 78 Vote: average 40046 meh 3962

#2 top time waster of 2009

2009-12-27T05:46:00.001-09:30

When you are feeling bad about your day, read some of these and it won't feel so bad.

www.fmylife.com

Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML
#18551 (753)I agree, your life sucks (441363) - you totally deserved it (27129)
On 02/09/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I wanted to have a good lunch with my wife before fasting for my surgery which I may not survive, she decided getting her hair cut was more important. I ate alone. FML#100088 (526)I agree, your life sucks (335332) - you totally deserved it (13313)
On 02/21/2009 at 10:41pm - love - by Still here (man) - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML
#9321 (397)I agree, your life sucks (306131) - you totally deserved it (45208)
On 02/05/2009 at 7:06am - love - by Noname - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML
#86179 (323)
I agree, your life sucks (300541) - you totally deserved it (16795)
On 02/20/2009 at 3:29am - misc - by Mick (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said "I don't know what you're talking about Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML
#159600 (93)I agree, your life sucks (290611) - you totally deserved it (13654)
On 02/28/2009 at 6:10am - love - by thatsucks (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)

and lastly the top three time wasters of 2009.....#3

2009-12-27T05:41:00.003-09:30

For the 130 character snippets of hilarity or ?????

www.textsfromlastnight.com where the tagline is "remember that text you shouldn't have sent last night....we do"

best nights of all time

(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Replies (412) Good Night (61046) Bad Night (2221)

(843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Replies (368) Good Night (52249) Bad Night (4187) Order T-Shirt

(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Replies (176) Good Night (49361) Bad Night (1655) Order T-Shirt

(312): I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Replies (195) Good Night (48634) Bad Night (1210) Order T-Shirt

(703): Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Replies (151) Good Night (46781) Bad Night (1099) Order T-Shirt

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Replies (348) Good Night (44297) Bad Night (4013) Order T-Shirt

(215): i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Replies (819) Good Night (43844) Bad Night (9359) Order T-Shirt

ode to top time wasters of 2009

2009-12-27T05:35:00.003-09:30

I do believe most of these are from the midwest. So sad but like a train wreck you just can't help but view www.peopleofwalmart.com!

ode to top time wasters of 2009

2009-12-27T05:31:00.003-09:30

for your ocular joy and extreme awkwardness: www.awkwardfamilyphotos.com

The ode to the top time wasters of 2009...

2009-12-27T05:28:00.002-09:30

A site dedicated to the redneck way of fixing things: www.thereifixedit.com

Merry Christmas

2009-12-27T05:22:00.003-09:30

SEVEN MORE SHOPPING DAYS!

2009-12-16T18:18:00.000-09:30

That is all. I have nothing else.

My fav version of Alicia Keys "Empire State of Mind"

2009-12-16T17:35:00.001-09:30

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Alicia Keys - Empire State of Mind (Part II) Broken Down

www.colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

U.S. Speedskating

Just put on a loop. LOVE THE MUPPETS!!

2009-11-27T11:13:00.000-09:30

It shouldn't be funny but.....

2009-11-24T10:45:00.001-09:30

it is!!!

The flu...

2009-11-24T09:10:00.002-09:30

I'm not really concerned about the swine flu, but I do have a
concern!

3 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the cow. . . Mad Cow
disease

2 years ago, Chinese calendar year of the bird . . . Avian
flu.

This year, Chinese calendar year of the pig . . . Swine
flu.

Next year is the year of the cock . . . Anybody else worried

My next team builder....

2009-11-24T08:59:00.002-09:30

and just for giggles, watch the "drunk" version...

A girls night out....

2009-11-24T08:53:00.002-09:30

Your significant other decides to go out with her friends on a girls night dancing....

You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night....

You hear her stumble into bed around 4am and laugh knowing she's going to have a monster hangover....

You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night...

You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece....

You circle the car looking for dents and find none....

But then .... Wait a minute....

A picture is worth a thousand words....

PSA for the day

2009-11-24T08:44:00.002-09:30

#1 Do not personalize your contact list:

A handbag, which contained her cell phone, credit card, wallet... etc. was stolen. Twenty minutes later when she called her hubby, from a pay phone telling him what had happened, hubby says 'I received your text asking about our Pin number and I've replied a little while ago.' When they rushed down to the bank, the bank staff told them all the money was already withdrawn. The thief had actually used the stolen cell phone to text 'hubby' in the contact list and got hold of the pin number. Within 20 minutes he had withdrawn all the money from their bank account.

Moral of the lesson:
Do not disclose the relationship between you and the people in your contact list. Avoid using names like Home, Honey, Hubby, Sweetheart, Dad, Mom, etc.
And very importantly, when sensitive info is being asked through texts, CONFIRM by calling back.

Also, when you're being text by friends or family to meet them somewhere, be sure to call back to confirm that the message came from them. If you don't reach them, be very careful about going places to meet 'family and friends' who text you.

Herb's Winky.......

2009-11-24T08:37:00.002-09:30

Herb decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance
Sandy felt she had to confess to her man about her childhood illness.
She informed Herb that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at
the maturity of a 12 year old.

He stated that it was OK because he loved her sooo much.
However, Herb felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit
that he had a deformity too.

Herb looked Sandy in the eyes and said, 'I too have a problem.
My winky is the same size as an infant and I hope you can deal with that
once we are married.'

She said, 'Yes, I will marry you and learn to live with your
infant size winky.'

Sandy and Herb got married and they could not wait for the
honeymoon. Herb whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started
touching, teasing, and holding one another.

As Sandy put her hands in Herb's pants, she began to scream and
ran out of the room! Herb ran after her to find out what was wrong.

She said, 'You told me your winky was the size of an infant!'

'Yes, it is ... 7 pounds, 8 ounces, 19 inches long

Moral of the story: it's all about the details, ladies!!

Note: I googled "winky" and this is the pic that showed up. I thought it fit.

I'd avoid this one....

2009-11-24T08:33:00.001-09:30

especially if they are in a large SUV and on their cell phone....RUN!!!!

And the story goes.....

2009-11-24T08:23:00.001-09:30

Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parent's nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed mother- of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new Young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her fathers wife to exchange it, but she refused. 'Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm Wearing it,' she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, 'Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day. A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, 'Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it. Her mother just smiled and replied, 'Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding.

Would you....

2009-11-24T08:07:00.002-09:30

get mad at your kid if they built these with their Legos????

It looked good from a distance...

2009-11-24T08:06:00.000-09:30

Yellow snow...should I or shouldn't I????

2009-11-24T07:58:00.003-09:30

EVE'S SIDE OF THE STORY

2009-11-24T07:56:00.002-09:30

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one problem.

It's these three breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain.."

And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc. She felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced".

"That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."

And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes..

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden.

"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone. "

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right.. How could I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part of you. Let's see....where did I put that useless boob?"

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than all that crap about the rib?

When you have a little time on your hands....

2009-11-24T07:51:00.002-09:30

"It took Stan Munro (38) 6 years to build this toothpick city. He used 6 million toothpicks and 170 litres of glue. He can spend until 6 months to create a building and each of his creations is built to 1:164 scale. He works at the Museum of Science and Technology in Syracuse, New York (USA). Look at the amazing works of one of the most patient men in the world."

Continuing with the youtube trend....

2009-11-24T07:50:00.001-09:30

They really do exist!

Wingsuit Base Jumping

2009-10-31T06:59:00.001-09:30

If anyone ever again gets on my case for riding a motorcycle, I am just going to show them this!! Totally sick and you can only watch with jaw on floor!!

Happy Halloween

2009-10-31T05:43:00.001-09:30

There really is nothing like a guy in a black jumpsuit and pumpkin head to make your day!

Affairs in order....

2009-10-23T11:27:00.002-09:30

The doctor after an examination, sighed and said, 'I've got some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting room where her daughter had been waiting.

'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things are not good. I have cancer, So let's head to the club, and have a martini.'

After three or four martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end;
'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'

The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences, and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered,
'Mom, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?
'Because I don't want any of those witches sleeping with your father after I'm gone.'

And THAT, my friends, is what is called, 'Putting Your Affairs In Order.'

It's almost that time....

2009-10-23T11:23:00.004-09:30

in light of Halloween being just around the corner, the Huffington Post brings you it's picks on Inappropriate Halloween Costumes! Like this one....

or my personal fave...

Click HERE to see their full collection.

Just like the Cash Cab....

2009-10-23T11:22:00.001-09:30

I want to find this guy!

Really a reality series?!?!

2009-10-23T11:15:00.001-09:30

Yep, reality tv has gone to the dogs, or in this case, the mall. Inspired by Paul Blart, Mall Cop, a production crew took to the Mall of Americas to give us this piece of goodness. Will you tune in??

Can I get a sponsor please?

2009-10-23T11:12:00.003-09:30

Only in NY, can you spend $500 on a year membership to the Ping Pong Club. Read HERE to find out more. I want a membership since they also provide showers. I always break a sweat playing this rough game or maybe it's all the booze but that's neither here nor there. This looks like a good time and as with all clubs entry can be denied if you're "attitude" isn't right.

Joke of the Day!

2009-10-19T08:58:00.002-09:30

Patient - "I need a double dose of Viagra."
Doctor - "I can't do that."
Patient - "Why not?' asked the man.
Doctor - "Because it's not safe,'
Patient - "But I need it really bad,'
Doctor - "Well, why do you need it so badly?'
Patient - "My girlfriend is coming into town on Friday, my ex-wife will be here on Saturday;and my wife is coming home on Sunday. Can't you see? I must have a double dose."
The doctor finally relented saying, "Okay, I'll give it to you,but you have to come in Monday morning so that I can check you to see if there are any side effects."
On Monday, the man dragged himself in; his right arm in a sling.
The doctor asked, "What happened to you?"
"No one showed up."

Congrats to all the new baby mamas!!

2009-10-15T08:41:00.000-09:30

Bacon Cheese Doughnut Burger

2009-10-09T09:11:00.001-09:30

One of the few times I will agree with something on Fox News. UGH!!!

When all else fails, go with an Irish joke

2009-10-06T16:13:00.002-09:30

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class
to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big
garage sale, and gave all my money to the church, would
that get me into heaven?'

'NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden,
and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?'

Again, the answer was 'NO!' By now I was starting to
smile.

'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all
the children, and loved my husband, would that get me
into heaven?'

Again, they all answered 'NO!' I was just bursting with
pride for them.

I continued, 'Then, how can I get into heaven?'

A six-year old boy shouted out: "YUV GOTTA BE
FOOKIN' DEAD...!"

Tell tale signs that a women is pissed

2009-10-06T16:05:00.003-09:30

For your viewing pleasure, we start off with the ostentatious and extremely public.....BILLBOARD option.

From there you can do the public yet subtle PICK AXE option.

I'm sure there may have been sugar in the tank involved in this one. Spray paint on a BMW also a good option.

And my personal fave, the flying billboard at major sporting event. Bet his google hits were up that day.

I have wondered....

2009-10-06T15:58:00.002-09:30

Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for,
it is about time you became informed!

(A} Almost Boobs..
{B} Barely there...
{C} Can't Complain!..
{D} Dang!...
{DD} Double dang!...
{E} Enormous!...
{F} Fake...
{G} Get a Reduction...
{H} Help me, I've fallen
and I can't get up!...

Glee

2009-10-06T15:56:00.001-09:30

I love this show! If you haven't watched it please take a look. This is just one of the highlights as I thought I had seen every version danced to Beyonce's tune.

For my motorcycle heads

2009-10-06T15:45:00.002-09:30

The new Valentino Rossi site is up and running. He obviously had a huge hand in creating it. Check it out and play with Rossi's eyes on the top of the homepage. Pretty entertaining. www.valentinorossi.com

True story of the week....

2009-10-06T15:09:00.003-09:30

My son is involved in a football pool. He (and his fellow 9 yr old cousin) did very well one week which put them in the top five. The guy who runs the pool sent out an email congratulating that week's winner and who was in the top five. He also proceeded to mention that the 4 out of 5 were under the age of 14. The only person in that top five who was over 21 decided to write a great reply:
"Glad I am able to keep up with the pediatric gang."

Nothing like a Southern gentleman

2009-10-06T15:05:00.002-09:30

After a southern gent had been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress back and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady; can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece uh ass?"

"Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room, smiled and added, "Sure, why not? You're nice lookin' and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to my room?"

When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else, sir?"

"Why yes," replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did fur me; it was real sweet and right neighborly, but where ah come from in Tennessee we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need to trouble y'all for a piece uh ass for mah drink."

I thought this was one of those rights of passage..

2009-10-06T15:01:00.002-09:30

In college, I remember coming to my room plenty of times to find a sock on the door or the time my drunk roommate and her boyfriend "forgot" I was asleep on the top bunk but Tufts University is putting their foot down.
"Tufts University: No sex in room while roommate is present"

Where justice is served up right.....

2009-10-06T14:58:00.002-09:30

WILDWOOD — A father who attacked his 37-year-old best friend and roommate with the butt of a shotgun after finding him having sex with his 16-year-old daughter will not be charged in the attack.

Officials with the State Attorney’s Office declined to file charges against the Wildwood father in the attack that sent the 37-year-old man and roommate to Leesburg Regional Medical Center with head injuries.

Bill Gladson, a supervisor with the State Attorney’s Office, said the father had the right to use reasonable force to prevent his daughter from becoming the victim of a sex crime.

The 37-year-old also had signed a waiver at the hospital, stating he didn’t want the father charged, according to Wildwood police.

“He didn’t want to cooperate as far as filing charges against his best friend,” said Wildwood police Sgt. Russell Poitevent.

The 37-year-old was arrested on seven counts of unlawful activity and sex with a minor after leaving the hospital on Aug. 24.

He was still being held in the Sumter County jail on Tuesday in lieu of $70,000 bail. [source]

True story of the week....

2009-09-16T17:34:00.002-09:30

I have a friend (who shall not be named). He smokes and always is losing his lighter. He had taken to using one of those long handled, use-at-home type lighters at one point. When the other day, he was checking his pockets for the always non-existent small light, I suggested he use the big one. To which he replied, "Oh that one is done. I didn't feel good about inhaling lighter fumes."

Anyone see what is wrong with that SMOKERS statement?!?

You know you are in Ohio when.....

2009-09-16T17:21:00.003-09:30

you are at the light and see the world's highest truck being followed by the smallest lowered truck. (By the way, one of them was drinking Pabst in a can)

you can't park since someone can't park between the lines. I can't wait until it snows and they can't even see them.

Joke of the day

2009-09-16T17:06:00.003-09:30

While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco , a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?"

"I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied.

"You've gotta be kiddin' me."

"No, would you like to give it a try?"

Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree & pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the heck happened to you?" He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said,

"This just ain't gonna be your day.............cupcake..."

I almost got out of a ticket....

2009-09-16T17:03:00.002-09:30

for speeding but then he looked in the back seat.....

Idiot Sighting

2009-09-16T17:00:00.001-09:30

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

Another set of "motivational" posters

2009-09-16T16:48:00.002-09:30

Can you find the "interesting" part of this photo?

2009-09-06T09:59:00.001-09:30

Awkwardfamilyphoto.com strikes again.